i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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