Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
