I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
