we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
