Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
