so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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