Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
