thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
