well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
