I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
