I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
