I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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