Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
