Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
