I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
