he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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