I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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