Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
