I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
