Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
