WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
