So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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