This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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