Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
