I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
