i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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