Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
