Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
