Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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