And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
