Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
