I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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