The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
