I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
