My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I supernannyed him into submission
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
