Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
FUCK WHALES
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
