Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
