i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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