The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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