Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
