puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
