ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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