the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What a dumb baby whore.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
