I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
