that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
