Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
