She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
