If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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