The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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