I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
