His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
