I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
