He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
