remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
